[Editor: This heart wrenching letter is from a lovely young woman still deep in the aftermath of her parent’s divorce. I feel this story serves as a wake-up call for those of us that might not be introspective enough to recognize the current pain we are causing our daughters by not making them our top priority. Also, as one of my favorite people reminded me, a father should ALWAYS start from a position of belief with his children, not from a position of disbelief. If it turns out she is lying you can always have a conversation around that, but you have to start from a position of trust.]
My parents got a divorce when I was about 15. Even though I argued with my mom, she was always there for me. My dad would pay for my phone bill and then use that against me. When he called me, it was just to criticize me and tell me what a failure I was for having tattoos.
My dad has been an alcoholic for years. When he'd call me sober, things were fine but I could never really talk to him due to the fact his girlfriend was always right there. Recently, I moved in with my dad and his girlfriend. My dad has been pretty cool with me, until his girlfriend intervenes. Everything I do is wrong in her world and she constantly criticizes anything and everything I do. The worst part is that he would absolutely pick her over me or my three siblings.
I feel like a stranger living here. I barely know my dad now that his girlfriend completely controls every aspect of his life. All I've ever really wanted is a good relationship with my father. I just wish when my parents got divorced, my dad would have kept a good relationship with me and my siblings. If he had, maybe my siblings and I wouldn't face some of the issues we've had to face in life.
Recently, my dad's girlfriend took his phone and sent me the most hateful messages ever pretending to be him. After doing so she deleted them from his phone. I took screen shots and sent what she had said to me. He didn't even care. This woman has done nothing but torture my three siblings and I, yet he won't get rid of her.
I just want my dad back. The guy I used to know. Not this strange man who takes his girlfriend's side and doesn't care about his kids.
The advice I would like to give dad's out there is always put your kids first. Never make them feel like you care for someone else more than them.
Don't let them feel inferior.
Let them know you care about them and they mean the world to you. I truly wish my father had done this for me.
Always communicate with your kids and see them as often as you can.
Don't let them forget that you really do care. ~ L.P. (Atlanta)