I was raised by two wonderful, healthy and generous parents in an upper middle class lifestyle. When I turned eighteen, they announced their separation and quickly divorced. I was devastated as any child would be. Seeing your DD Project caused me to reflect on my own relationship with my father; a great one, that I enjoyed and depend upon to this day. But I've discovered in my years of reflection, that there were times that I found my father's actions painful because they were insincere.
As a highly motivated and passionate athlete, my events took place all day on Sundays. I was dropped off and picked up at these competitions and never did I have my father stick around for the whole day. I wish he had shown his devotion by staying with me for a whole day occasionally rather than sticking around for a few hours or not at all. But mostly, it's what I instinctively felt from him that caused me the pain. And that was this feeling that he wanted to be somewhere else or could only 'spare' a few hours.
Being able to count on sharing the whole entire fabulous competitive day with him would have been a golden gift to me.
St. Francis of Assisi once said: “Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words.” That is, the words we use are secondary to the way we show up for other people.
I like to think it's what you are vibrating not what you're doing or saying that generates a reaction from others.
So my advice is that to connect with your daughter, or anyone else for that matter, drop any energy that takes you out of the moment and focus your attention on the interaction, develop an interest and curiosity in what is being said and genuinely listen and interact.
I say this because it will change your vibration and that to me is the foundation for trust, sharing, caring, and having an enjoyable time together. The words you use absent of genuine intention will otherwise be quite hollow.
Thank you for this terrific platform for sharing. ~ B.R. (California)